[Port would make a hilarious pony, she'd totally agree there.]

Humans don't exist here. Everyone's either a pony, or a bear, or a dragon, or some other kind of animal like that and if they weren't one to start with, then they're changed into one before they're sent here.

[Well, that doesn't sound so bad...]

And the thing that brought you here and changed you into a horse is some super powerful, nigh-omniscient former pony with a humongous god complex currently living in a nearby pocket dimension or something that's almost impossible to get to and she's keeping everybody here as part of some "experiment".

[Again, said completely straight and with a smile. Except this time her smile is more like the one she might get before she, oh...blows up a nightclub or something and she sounds more like she wants to hit somebody in the face. This will never not make her angry to think about.]