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[ponymeisters]

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Dandy | Space☆Dandy | FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, BABY

[adandyinspace]

There are just some things a man won't stand for!

[Making a scene in the middle of Ponyville, mounted on the fountain and standing Captain Morgan style, a griffon with the sweetest feathered pompadour you've ever seen has decided to make his grievances known.

Now, it's not like Dandy to sweat the small stuff, and to be completely honest he could care less that he's a composite fluff monster right now. No, this is a matter of extreme importance. The kind of importance that brings a man to shout at the high heavens.]

Where are the chicks?!

[Get it? Chicks. Because...because he's a bird. I'm way before my time, this is comedy gold, people.]

Bring on the babes, baby! You can't tell me this planet is nothing but HORSES!

[keepsdying]

[A cat.

Did he really become a freaking cat?!

Ok screw that, screw this universe already. He didn't sign up to be a cat, if Dandy found out...

Well maybe he can put that on hold. Because right before him is the biggest chicken he's ever seen in his life. And already the instinctive cat brain is telling him to go ahead and eat this little guy.

Wiggling his butt in the air, Meow doesn't hesitate to leap and pounce on the space chicken.]

[adandyinspace]

[Sir, he is a griffon, and he is freaking huge. But thank you for interrupting his super important speech, you damn cat. Seriously, what is with cats ruining everything for him? Do they just have it out for him? This is exactly why he is a dog person.

When Meow pounces on him, all Dandy can do is stare. He doesn't even realize that it IS Meow, it's just another mangy feline to him.]

Seriously? What the hell.

1/2

[keepsdying]

[He lives to ruin your life, Dandy.

Course when he nearly has a mouthful of chicken Dandy, his eyes widen once he realizes who he's talking to...]

Dandy....?

[keepsdying]

No, what the hell to you?!

Seriously Dandy, a chicken?

[adandyinspace]

[OH WHAT THE HELL, IT'S MEOW. Dandy quickly grabs that damn cat by the scruff in one of his talons, getting pretty close to throwing him in the fountain he's currently standing on.]

Who said you were allowed to follow me to Pretty Pony Planet?! It's bad enough I had to deal with you back on the ship! Either give me some good news, or kitty's getting a bath!

[keepsdying]

[Ow ow talons hurt, no put kitty down Meow's sure this is illegal in Pony Planet, he's gonna call Pony Dandy.]

IT'S NOT LIKE I MEANT TO!


[Crud he better think fast.]

Uhhhhh we're on an undiscovered planet, that's a bonus, right?

[adandyinspace]

No shit, furball!

[And with that, he holds Meow in the air and whips him to the ground. Hopefully he can land on his feet, Dandy doesn't seem to care either way.

...

Waaaaaaaiiiit, Meow actually has a good point. Undiscovered planets have undiscovered aliens! Dandy calms down from his sudden rage and begins to scratch under his beak, deep in thought.]

Now that you mention it, I'm starting to wonder how much one of these ponyboys might net us...

[neighfeni]

[...That sure is a griffon standing on a fountain in the middle of the square, squawking about something she can't quite make out from her distance. So she trots up to try to figure out what in the name of everything holy is going on, catching the bit about horses, but not much else. In a accented voice like a slice of warm apple pie, the pastel pony asks:]

Uh, ponies, actually...Are ya alright, sir?

[Nevermind that he's loud and a bit intimidating, she would like to try to help him...]

[adandyinspace]

[Neph being the first local to approach him, Dandy shows his appreciation by getting all up in her face. At least she's a lady pony, so his rudeness is down by about half.]

Ponies, horses, what's the difference?

[There isn't much need for either in space, sadly. The difference might as well only be the names to him.]

But yeah, point me to the fastest way off this planet. I've got some serious catching up to over at Boobies~ [a pause] ...Say, do horses even know what jugs are?

[Truly a gentleman this guy.]

[neighfeni]

[Ah, in her face! Her ears drop back, eyes widened a little, but she does her best to not stammer.

Did we say a bit intimidating? We meant very.]

P-ponies are smaller an' such...uh, 'f-fraid Ah don't know how to get outta here. Been here for 'bout...six months, myself. [Has it really been that long?] Sure, we use jugs for carryin' drinks like apple cider.

[No, Neph, no...]

[adandyinspace]

[Dandy's face slowly begins to drop and contort into the most horrific expression he can muster. It's really quite the feat with that beak of his, those things aren't normally so expressive.

But right, back to the horror. Not only is there no way off this planet, but the locals don't seem to know what breasts are.

This is it. This is hell.

It's only after this realization do the man tears begin.]

Nope, not standing for it! We'll just have to build our own damn rocket.

[He places his talons on Neph's shoulders. Don't worry, he's sure she doesn't mind. Last he checked, no one really cared about personal space.]

Thanks for volunteering, baby.

[neighfeni]

[She knows what breasts are, and would balk if she knew that's what he meant. But she does not, on either count.

Her own expression turns more than a bit uncomfortable, but she tries to not...well, bolt. He gets a rather sheepish smile, and she's all but asking him to get his talons off of her. She doesn't know this guy, and he's all touchy...]

V-volunteerin' for what? Ah don't know nothin' 'bout buildin' rockets.

[adandyinspace]

[Well as far as he knows, this is a boobless planet. It's not his fault the one local he's spoken with knows diddly squat.

The fake tears stop and suddenly he's all smiles out of seemingly nowhere. He even gives the sweet filly a clawed thumbs up.]

Don't sweat it. I know jack all about rockets, hell I can't even spell it. But hey, if there's one thing I do know, it's how to wing it!

[As if on command, his wings shoot out to reveal his impressive wingspan. As much as it looks like a well timed joke, Dandy places down his hand and stares at his back mildly surprised.]

...I didn't mean to do that.

Oh my god

[foalyfight]

Nope, it's all ponies.

And griffons and dragons and pony-ish type people. But mostly ponies!

[adandyinspace]

[Dandy doesn't want to hear that. Those are the last words he wants to hear right now. Maybe if they were weird curvy people-like pony aliens he could deal, but these are straight up ponies. There's nothing attractive about any of this!!]

That doesn't help me at all!!

[From shouting at the high heavens to whining like a small child, Dandy is truly the most mature man in the universe.]

[holyfight]

[The really sad part is that if she wasn't a horse right now, Orihime would not be out of place at Boobies]

I'm sorry! But you're a pony right now, too! That's not all that bad, is it?

[adandyinspace]

[Too true, although she might be a little too young for his liking. Although he definitely would support the possible future career choice, if only he knew a good chunk of these ponies were gorgeous women.

At what Orihime says, he can't help but stare at her for a second, before getting all up in her face.]

What the hell kind of ponies are you looking at? Last time I checked, they didn't look like this.

[He points at his own face. This man is a griffon.]

[holyfight]

[The joys of tagging by phone, man]

S-Sorry! I meant to say griffon! I didn't mean to offend you!

[saxappeal]

[Hey, Dandy! You wanted some chicks?

Too bad, have a minotaur in a trenchcoat and sunglasses.]

Let me be living proof against that. [... and a sweet soulful bass. Wow.]

[adandyinspace]

[THIS IS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE WANTED.]

Augh. I think I'm gonna be sick...

[saxappeal]

[THE UNIVERSE IS A CRUEL, CRUEL MASTER, DANDY.]

... well, that's one way to greet a man.

[adandyinspace]

I'm not exactly the welcome wagon, buddy. Why don't you go be a weird man cow somewhere else? I'm kinda busy here!

[Trying to score.]

[saxappeal]

Busy standin' around and moping? Sorry, buddy, I don't buy it.

[... that hair/feather-do is outrageous, though.] Say, you know a girl named Filia?

[adandyinspace]

[It's not moping, it's shouting. There is a huge difference.]

Probably. Who knows? I know a lot of girls, buddy, what's your point?